


A Safe Place

by Allez_Argeiphontes



Category: The Expanse (TV), The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: Amos POV, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, M/M, Praxos if you squint, Roci Fam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 20:11:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15915420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allez_Argeiphontes/pseuds/Allez_Argeiphontes
Summary: Written as part of the Expanse Fandom Exchange 2018. My prompt was "Praxos, found family, Amos being protective".





	A Safe Place

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the Expanse Fandom Exchange 2018. My prompt was "Praxos, found family, Amos being protective".

Amos rolls his shoulders as he opens the door to the galley. _Fuck’s sake, didn’t even get shot and it still fucking hurts._ The smell of onions hits him and sure enough, Alex has already started on dinner. Makes sense, they’re on a nice clear run to Luna with no hostiles and Alex has a track record of dealing with shit by feeding people. But then Amos sees Mei and stops where he is. Alex has her up on the countertop, legs dangling as he shows her how to cut up vegetables. Her tongue sticks out in concentration and her sweet face shows not a hint of yesterday’s horrors. Amos knows that Mei hasn’t come through her ordeal unscathed, but seeing her like this he can almost believe she’s just another kid without a care in the world. Amos _really_ wants to believe it.

Alex frowns as he hands Mei the knife, but he doesn’t look cross. In fact he looks like he’s trying not to smile. It occurs to Amos that Alex has a son just a couple years older than Mei. A son he hasn’t seen in a long time. Amos wonders if Alex wouldn’t be better off back on Mars, with his kid and far away from the protomolecule. But then Alex wouldn’t be here on the Roci. Amos’s chest feels tight at the thought. _Stop it._

It takes Amos a moment to notice Prax, watching from the mess table with a complicated look on his face. He’s smiling, yes, but his smile is small and there’s something sad there too. Something that fills Amos with protectiveness and the urge to touch him. _Stop it._ At least Prax will be going soon. Back to Luna and civilisation. He and Mei can go from Luna to Ganymede and Prax won’t have to deal with monsters or the protomolecule or gunships ever again. Which is good apart from the fact that Amos doesn’t really feel very good about it. _Stop. It._

“I’m chopping them as small as I can!” Mei’s voice cuts through the room and she sees Amos. “Amos!” Mei’s face is so full of joy, Amos can hardly bear it. _When was the last time someone looked at you like that?_ “Alex doesn’t think I’m cutting the mushrooms up small enough but I so am. Look!” She and Alex are grinning at Amos so he walks over to play his part and inspect the mushrooms. 

“I don’t know pumpkin…” Amos reaches the counter and stands next to Mei, utterly unprepared for the way she leans into his side like she’s been doing it her whole life. Something warm bubbles up in Amos’s chest and he finds himself wrapping an arm around her. ”I’m sure you’re doing your best but our Mr. Kamal has some very high standards.” Amos makes a show of considering the mushrooms, fixes Alex with a serious look. “These mushrooms are perfectly chopped.”

Alex grins at him and turns to Mei with a flourish. “I do believe you’re right. I’m sorry for judging you harshly Miss Meng. Would you please chop the rest of the mushrooms?”

“I would be honoured Mr…” Mei falters, looks up at Amos and after a second he realises that she’s forgotten Alex’s surname. “Mr Kamal” he whispers, and Mei mouths “thank you”. Amos feels the bubbling again but if he’s honest, it’s kind of nice. Doesn’t make any effort to push it down as Mei turns back to Alex. “I would be honoured Mr Kamal.” Amos glances over at Prax and the botanist’s smile is definitely bigger than it was when he got to the galley.

After that Mei and Alex start on the herbs and Amos feels like kind of a spare part. He goes and fixes himself a coffee, slides in next to Prax. The botanist has a mug of tea in his hands, but it looks like it’s gone cold. Amos takes it from him. Ignores Prax’s noise of protest and brings him back a fresh cup of Assam with approximated milk, one sugar.

“How’re you holding up Doc?” Prax is definitely smiling now, looking at his tea and back at Amos like he did something special.

“I’m ok.” Prax says plainly, turns to watch Alex and Mei. They appear to be making a sauce out of the mushrooms. “It’s surreal, having her back safe and sound. Everything feels so normal.” Prax blows on his tea, takes a sip. “But _weirdly_ normal, like none of the stuff with the protomolecule happened at all. Like we’re going to touch down at Ganymede Station and go back to our old lives and everything will be the same. Except that I know it won’t.” Prax’s shoulders are hunched forward now, his smile gone and Amos isn’t sure how to make it better. 

“She’s safe Doc, that’s all that matters.” Amos doesn’t know if what he’s said is true, but just feels like the sort of thing he should say. Prax nods, eyes still on his tea. 

“You’re right, you’re right.” Amos drinks his coffee, watches Prax’s shoulders stay high. “I guess I’m just worried about going back. To Ganymede, I mean. That it’s too much to ask, that it won’t be the same. But it’s the only place that makes sense for us. I mean, technically we could stay on Luna for a bit and I think I have some cousins on Europa, but let’s face it there’s no botany going on there and I haven’t been back since I was eight years old.” Shoulders a little lower, but still higher than Amos would like. “Ganymede has the magnetosphere, the fresh food, the medicine and therapy Mei needs. And once the domes are rebuilt there will be work and I want to give Mei as much of her old life back as possible. I know it’s the right choice but part of me just…” Prax trails off.

“Part of you just what?” 

“Part of me just wants to stay here.” Prax blows out his breath shakily, eyes on his tea. Amos doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he waits to see what Prax will say next.

“I know that’s ridiculous, but it’s the one place I can think of that actually feels safe right now.”

Amos feels the seconds spin out while his brain struggles with the concept of Prax feeling safe aboard the Rocinante. Prax finishes his tea and when Amos steals a glance at him, his shoulders are back up, eyes focused on nothing. _Shit._

“It’s not ridiculous Doc.” Amos’s voice comes out quieter than he meant. “Being on a ship makes life simple because there are fewer moving parts.” Prax must be looking at him now, but Amos keeps his eyes forward. “Ganymede Station is a big, open place with lots of things going on. Lots of unpredictable things. The Roci is one ship with one reactor, one location and not a lot of people. It’s a closed system with a limited number of variables. Because of that, you feel safe.”

Amos feels the tightness rise up in his throat but he ploughs on. “As long as you’re on the ship, you can shut everything else out. Nothing else matters as long as you keep the ship safe. Keep the crew safe.” He can feel Prax’s gaze on him, as clear as if the man was touching him. “But it’s not really that safe. Space is full of danger, you just can’t see it because you’re inside the ship.”

“The thing is Doc, the Roci isn’t any safer than Ganymede Station, it’s just smaller.” Amos loosens his grip on the coffee cup, listens to Prax’s soft breathing for a moment. “And Ganymede has all the stuff that kids need, stuff the ship can never have. Schools and medicine, places for her to go, people for her to talk to and all that shit. Ship can’t compete.”

Amos relinquishes the coffee entirely, lets his hands curl on the tabletop. _When did his collar get so tight?_ He chances a look at Prax and the botanist’s face is so soft and understanding that Amos wants to hide. But he doesn’t, tells himself he’s being brave for the Doc. When Prax speaks his voice is just as low as Amos’s, like it’s just for him.

“You’re right.” Prax huffs, shakes his head with that same small smile. “But I really do feel safe here. It’s a nice feeling, you know?” Prax looks up at Amos and yeah, it is a nice feeling. Amos finds himself nodding and when the botanist moves closer, so their shoulders are touching, that just feels plain good. Amos lets himself lean into the solid warmth of Prax’s arm against his, takes a final sip of his coffee.

Amos thinks about how he won’t be able to do this soon. The warmth that flashes through him is tinged with sadness now but it’s still there. Prax hasn’t moved and Amos tries to the remember the last time anyone took comfort from his presence. Probably Naomi, before everything blew up. Amos pushes the thought aside though, not ready to examine the tentative peace they’ve made since she came back. Instead it feels easy to put his arm around Prax. And when the botanist sighs into it, Amos figures he must be doing something right.

He pulls Prax into his side, flushes a little when Prax’s hand falls softly onto his thigh. Sits there and just lets the goodness of Prax’s presence soak into him as they watch Alex and Mei. The sauce seems finished and they’ve moved on to measuring out rice. Because if living in space has taught Amos, it’s that nothing stays the same for long. Reactors blow, ships get shot out of the sky or an unsecured screwdriver can kill you in an instant. Everything can change and if you’re lucky enough to have something good, you better enjoy it while you can.

So he sits there and enjoys Prax’s soft weight against him, the sight of Mei spooning rice and the faint hum of the Roci’s reactor audible over Alex’s instructions. Thinks about how at least Prax and Mei will be here for a little longer. Here where things are simple and nothing outside the ship matters. Here where he can keep them safe. Amos knows that realistically, they will be ok. That Prax is perfectly capable of taking care of them, that everything will probably be ok. But he doesn’t like the margin for error, the idea of not being able to protect them.

Prax leans his head on Amos’s shoulder and Amos lets himself enjoy that too. Lets himself hug Prax a little closer and tries not to think about how readily Prax had introduced him to Mei, the _way_ Prax had introduced him to Mei. _He’s my best friend in the whole world._ And in that moment it had sounded so true, so simple. Amos tells himself that Prax said that because he needed to use words a child would understand. The alternative is too much to think about, so Amos chooses not to.

All he knows is that he cares deeply about Prax. That Prax trusts him. And those simple facts flood him with a sense of goodness he can feel right to his fingertips. Amos chooses to focus on that. On the goodness he knows will sustain him long after the Mengs have disembarked. After he goes back to being the person who does terrible things that no one else can do. But no matter what happens in the future, nothing can erase this one good thing he did. That Prax and Mei are safe because of him. Because he did something good. And Amos enjoys that thought, while he can.

**Author's Note:**

> As always comments, kudos and blood sacrifices are always welcome. Alternatively come yell at me on [tumblr](allez-argeiphontes.tumblr.com).


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